Quality time.

Ugh.

I thig I'b cubbig dowd with a cold.

I blabe the stupid cold weather (England in winter... cold? What the hell?!) and the stupid wind, and my stupid jacket with the button ripped off, and the stupid people around me who are all taking turns falling sick as well, and then using my stupid mug without telling me, passing me their stupid germs. Did I say it was okay for you to use my mug, even if we are blood related? Did I say it was okay to take 'just a little bit' of my coffee? Did I? DID I?!

Ugh.

It is now the ninth straight day I'm in London with my family. Ninth day of this teeny apartment, with the tv always on too loud, with people talking, always talking, all the time talking talking talking. Ninth day of putting up with constant, constant company, not getting my own room and not even being able to kick anyone out, because the door doesn't lock.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, why Naddie, what a heartless bitch you are. After not seeing your family for almost a whole year, you should be thankful of this Quality Time you now have together.

Quality Time can go flush itself down the toilet. They never shut up, and now on top of it, they've given me germs.

I instead of we.

Going from a pseudo-live-in relationship to a long-distance one, with the same person, can have some challenges, I think. Like we discovered yesterday, when a series of almost-misunderstandings resulted in an almost-fight. Obviously, the change itself is massive, but there are some smaller differences that I've noticed in the last few days.

For instance, I can no longer refer to myself as 'we', because the Girlfriend and I are no longer joined at the hip. People used to get a buy one, get one free deal when they asked me (us) to hang out, but nowadays, it's just me. And if I start saying 'we' instead of 'I' my family will think I have an imaginary friend again.

For the first time in a long time, I can go to the bathroom, or go smoke, or simply disappear for five minutes, without saying "I'll be right back, okay?"

I no longer have to fight for my side of the bed. Sometimes the Girlfriend would purposely lay (and fall asleep) on my side, even though she knows I must have the left side. Now because of the single bed, I sleep in the middle.

It takes me half the time to get ready to go out, because there's only one of me.

I no longer have to plan meals to please both our tastes, or cook for two, or supply sour cream with curry.

It is completely fine, now, if I don't shave my legs for weeks.

There's no one to stare at as I fall asleep.

And finally (although I'm sure there's more), there's no one to steal the blanket from.

+++

I miss her terribly, and our almost-fight almost reduced me to tears, as if I wasn't spontaneously bursting into crying fits already. I miss every little thing I took for granted, although every little detail is safe and locked in my head.

But in the end, what makes this hole-in-the-heart, heart-ripped-apart, unbearably-lonely, whole-world-altering, sucky sucky sucky situation, aaalll worth it, is knowing that somewhere in the cold fjords of Norwegia, my girlfriend completely feels the same way.

Big change.

So... three days ago the Girlfriend and I flew from Australia to London via Hong Kong. I mean we got on a plane and sat in it until it landed.. we never actually 'flew'. Because of a silly ticketing blunder we were on separate flights to Hong Kong, where I had to officially 'arrive', get my luggage, then 'depart' again, instead of whooshing by in Transit. It was minorly troublesome, but it had to be done, so that we could sit together for a few more hours.

Dragging my suitcase, I sneaked past the long line for check-in and went straight to the Airline Service Desk, where I fully expected some sort of special treatment thereby skipping the queue, simply on the basis of being me.

"Hello," I said to the Airline Lady. "I'm on the flight to London at 1 am."

Airline Lady checked the computer.

"So," she said, "wen is de departcher thyme?"

I gave her my huh-weren't-you-listening face and said, "One."

She checked the computer again, ruffled some paperwork around, then said, "So... where are you going?"

".... London."

After 10 minutes of her asking me stupid questions, my huh-weren't-you-listening face evolved into my what-is-wrong-with-you face, and eventually into my why-are-you-so-stupid face. But we got it sorted, and I met the Girlfriend at the departure gate, where we were both exhausted and smelly but very happy to see each other.

The 12-hour flight to London passed relatively quickly, and at Heathrow Airport we both had a massive burger and celebrated our tenth month together, before going our separate ways, for now. The mantra in my head was like a drum beat.

This is not goodbye this is not goodbye thisisnotgoodbye thisisnotgoodbye thisisnotitcannotbe thisisnotthisisnotgoodbye.

I was so determined not to cry, but that was an impossible intention from the start.

She is now celebrating Christmas with her family, and since I arrived in London I have been spending lots of time with my extended, noisy, food-loving, smelly, chaotic family. There is lots of food but very little privacy, and I have to choose my moments carefully, to listen to the songs she gave me, and cry.

So now we go from spending every minute together, to being in different countries. And when I return to Malaysia next week, we'll be on different continents, with an 8-hour time difference. But I'm full of hope that we'll make it, that we'll see each other again, and that, with time, we'll start to get used to and enjoy our new long-distance relationship. It'll just be different, that's all.

And she'll only be a text message, an email, a phone call away. And anyway *points to heart*, she's riiiight here.

First post!

G'day, mateys!

I'm back with a brand spanking new blog! ... although, as far as you know, I may not be "back" from anywhere at all. You know, I may just be a "new" blogger, with a new blog. Ahem. Yes. That's me. Totally new to the blogging scene. Yep.

I suppose, if we do this properly, you'd want to know my name (Naddie), where I'm from (Malaysia), how I grew up (uninterestingly), and what I had for breakfast (scrambled eggs), and whether or not I enjoyed reading Catcher in the Rye (*cough*). But I think we can skip all that, yeah? In fact I believe we can skip all introductions and boring chit chat and still have a good time. Now I know what you're thinking... if only that line works in bars... 

Meh heh heh.

Alrighty. I don't actually have the time to blog right now, because I am not using my own computer. Not to mention that I'm still sitting in my pyjamas at 6 o'clock in the evening. So I shall see you next time, when I have more time. Until then, stop stealing the blanket!

Bai!